Hallmarks of My Obsession (8/03/08 Sunday)

But then what? I prepared the card. The handwriting was sloppy. I hope it conveys casualness and not the truth–nervousness. What the hell am I doing? And what do I say when she confronts me with it? Hell, what is she going to say? I hope she doesn’t read as much into it as I’ve written into it. This seems a big step, but if I stopped seeing it that way, maybe she won’t see it that way. Whatever she says, or whatever I think she’s going to say, I’ll try not to script a list of responses. But, dammit, I can’t hide a blush, and that’s going to happen. I’ve already turned tomorrow into a nightmare.

Julie and Stacey are out together right now, hiking. Stacey promised me she’d be discreet and very low-key, that information-gathering would not be the point of the hike. Stacey and I were supposed to go pay rent together sometime this weekend. She didn’t call yesterday or Friday, so maybe it’ll happen tonight. I’m having trouble occupying my time since I read the last 120 pages of One Corpse Too Many. I did laundry this morning (something I never do on a Sunday) and took a route that took me in view of Stacey’s car, ostensibly to take advantage of the shade on the eastern sidewalk. Her car was there from eight to at least nine-thirty. I don’t know if Stacey was going to Julie’s or vice versa. It doesn’t matter, except to this obsessive, love-sick puppy. I could probably see her parking lot from here if I stepped out the back door.

*****

I went back to the Hallmark and bought another card. Much better job, this time.