Agley (6/15/08 Sunday)^

Yesterday was Julie-intensive. Three times we spent hours virtually alone together--on the desk and trading off back-up and window. I feel we get closer every hour together, as long as my tongue doesn't get tied or I try too hard, and those moments were mercifully rare today. I managed to cancel out the two evils--the extremes of attention by--somehow--concentrating on my work.

(Though I don't want to get ahead of things, I've already imagined the scene--after professing our mutual affections--in which I explain the Promethian [Herculean?] effort of restraint. Julie's reaction in this scenario is one of sweet amusement.)

For several days I'd been holding back a quip to use Saturday. With Julie in earshot I'd let someone know I'd taken off this coming Monday and Tuesday, expecting a response in the line of "Any particular reason?" Well, the opportunity for it to go down that way didn't arise, but just before lights out I wrote on the white board by my name, "Back Wed." The last three people to file past it toward the back door were Julie, Bethany, me. Julie didn't see it, but Bethany didn't let me down. "Do you have any plans?" But Julie had just turned the corner when I answered, "No, I just need to get away from Julie." Julie heard her name, though, and was further piqued when Bethany, incredulous, laughed. Julie, apparently sensing being made the butt of a joke, said, "I beg your pardon?" I knelt to pack my saddlebag. Not looking up, I said, "Bethany asked why I was taking Monday and Tuesday off"--at which point I expected Bethany to come through again and fill in the rest. She didn't, I didn't, and Julie didn't ask again. It seemed as if she didn't want to know. Then we were all out the door, and as my bike was parked in the direction opposite the cars, we quickly parted, with me muttering, "Well, that worked!" Still, I hold out hope that Julie asked Bethany what I'd said. At the very least a seed has been planted, maybe, if not with Julie, Bethany.

I planted it firmly with Stacey Thursday night after work. Tired of her respectful distance, I finally said, "You know that secret I told you? Well, you don't have to keep it from me," and I told her the object of my crush. She was delighted and said she'd been hoping this would happen ever since Julie showed up. Now I suppose it's up to Julie to oblige her.

^Just the first of my cute attempts at drawing Julie in to my affections. And no ironic backfire, though every sign of frustrations to come--the snarl of self-doubt is yet only a strained laugh at myself. There was still an element of fun to the challenge. Look at the challenge now, nearly a year later: Trying to get through a day of work without seeing her. I've really grown--the man has finally become a boy.