Sunday

Along with World Peace, Financial Independence, and Some of My Hair Back (11/12/08 Wednesday)*

A couple hours of black anger followed the failure of the cursive draft. I feel aimless, cut adrift. I've begun to reclaim some of my former life, but it rings hollow, as hollow as, I guess, it really was before I thought I'd found something more meaningful. Now I go back to the reading; it's no longer fulfilling. So little seems necessary that boredom is preferable to most anything else I can think of. I seem to have missed all the seasons of the past half-year, and I'm rueing fall as it slides naked into winter, a match to my mood and outlook. I took a walk. I thought it made me feel better, then I step back inside, and the wet blanket smothers me.

I considered doing the online dating thing again. I wish I'd considered for longer before plunking down 120 bucks for eharmony. I was too flattered with the abundance of so-called matches and burdened with the desperation to find a woman who will talk to me and might actually show some interest in me to not make the three-month commitment. But there was only one match I felt at all interested in after all, so now not only do I feel poor, but stupid to boot. I thought about going back to Plenty of Fish, but I took a look at a page of matches there and saw too many of the same faces that were there when I quit from there. I thought, Well, at least the profile's something to write, but the motivation isn't there. I want Julie.

*Original Comment(s)
Lonesome Loser said...
Again, I totally get this...

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